Movie Review - “Primeval”
NO STARS
I usually do not grade movies and F or with no stars, I don’t even walk out of movies anymore. Well, this movie changed all of that. By the look of the previews and trailers you would think this movie would be like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “Saw”, you know your traditional serial killer fare. But I was tricked, and I was not happy when I found out half way through this slow turd, that this movie was about a huge man eating crocodile. Man what a bummer, if I would have known I would have prepared myself for a cheesy fun ride, but this surprise stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to leave early….that is how bad it was. I could hardly find any pictures on the net for this film, they are really trying hard to hide the crocodile in this movie.
Out of all the giant crocodile movies out there, I would say that “Lake Placid” with a foul mouthed Betty White is your best choice. This movie didn’t do a thing to get me to like any characters. I loved “Anaconda”, no really I did, it was a fun silly little creature feature with second rate actors doing a good job (Owen Wilson, Jennifer Lopez). This movie doesn’t even have the camp factor going for it, it isn’t fun in any way. It is slow and droll to say the least. The action scenes were so run of the mill, cookie cutter bland I was moved to boredom.
I guess if you want to rent this on DVD to laugh at the premise or ponder why this film was made and marketed the way it has been than rent it. I am sure it will be available at your local video store pretty soon. This movie tried to be a smart ass and market it as a serial killer movie, and leave out as many clips of the crocodile as possible. Orlando Jones tries to be funny in the movie, but his “comedic moments” come off like a bad “Mad TV” skit. This movie is just rotten to the core. And I do not appreciate being tricked into going to see a movie, that is just wrong!
January 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
What a bummer. And this one looked so promising! Sigh. Go see Volver; very good film.
January 15th, 2007 at 11:41 am
You know my friends and I were thinking of watching this movie night. I had no idea it was about an alligator either until my friend told me and I was hell no this is going to be stupid. I usually have a radar for bad movies out there but for some reason my friends, though I love them dearly, have a magnet that attracts the bad ones! His girlfriend wanted to see Stomp that Yard that got a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes and loved the movie Taxi! lol Thank God our car got stuck and we had to get towed then watching this crap. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. If you want to see a good thriller you should see Hide and Seek On Dvd.