Movie Review - “Friday the 13th” (2009)
* STAR
Many of you already know that I am a horror movie geek. Sometimes the genre can put out original pieces of work, including remakes. For example the “Dawn of the Dead” remake from 2004 is one of the most intense and unrelenting horror films of recent memory, and it was bloody great. Some people call this brand of slasher picture “horror porn” for its gratuitous images of carnage and gore, but if done right it can be terrifying. Unfortunately the latest reimagining of the popular “Friday the 13th” series relies solely on unimaginative death scenes to keep you in theater seats, and it doesn’t work at all.
This remake is clumsy and all over the map, at best. In the first portion of the film we get the first two original “”Friday the 13th” films combined to tell the origin story of Jason Voorhees. In the second half we just watch as Jason chases people through the woods. Most of this would be forgivable but the death scenes come off as uninspired and silly. It may sound horrible but I was hoping for more shocking images and over the top gore. Instead we get more pot smoking, naked girls and nasty sex talk then original chills and bloody spills.
I wasn’t expecting high art or even a masterpiece of modern horror cinema from this movie, but I was hoping for some old school reliable Camp Crystal Lake scary fun. The choppy editing and redundant feel make this one of the most terrible modern horror remakes ever filmed. After seeing pitch perfect remakes of “The Hills Have Eyes” (2006) and “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003) it made me sad to see one of my favorite villains of all time get such a crappy vehicle to reintroduce him to a whole new generation of horror fans. At this rate the only reason why a sequel to this film would be made is because of the huge opening weekend numbers it generated. If they do make another one of these I hope it is nothing like this train wreck was.
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